April 2008 Archives

The English language is always adapting, transforming and evolving.  Cats are at the forefront of the new wave of linguistic theory.
  Consider the definite article.  Even most advanced linguists are generally not able to predict the direction its evolution may take.  Not so cats.  They have understood the subtleties of the language, the minute meanings and undercurrents of intellectual thought that accompany such a small but vital part of the language as the definite article and they have correctly seen the future.  What is the result?

"Teh"

Notice the truthiness of the altered spelling.  All of a sudden, sentences such as "is teh mowse gon yet" or "save teh wales" contain a lyrical intensity that one finds nowhere else.  Not in Milton, Yeats or even Shakespeare. 
  This is only one example of the advanced linguistic work of cats.  Dissertations have been written about felines' forward-thinking use of "bukket" "kitteh" and "lolz".  In fact, today, using highly powerful computers at Stanford University's school of veterinary linguistics, cat scientist were able to discover the neologism "cephalapomorphize" (to make the inanimate squidlike).  Hoomans are forever in debt for the elegant new forms of the English language.

What, man! ne'er pull your hat upon your brows

Look at the picture above.  The cat on the left is happy.  That's because the cat on the left is imaginary.  The cat on the right is real, as are the half-inch deep gouges left on her hooman's body 10 seconds after this picture was taken.  Let's get things straight here folks:  Cats Do Not Like Wearing Hats!
  Hats are (with apologies to  Bronwyin and Elspeth ) redolant of renaissance faires and  bald spots.  Cats appreciate neither.  Cats are also proud of their perky ears, and anything that restricts the movement of their ears will only enrage these sensitive creatures.
  Everybody, do the Safety Dance!