kttylvr: March 2008 Archives

#3.141 Math

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kttylvr
on March 31, 2008 8:25 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)
Cunning in music and the mathematicstoo-many-cats.jpg
Cats have always been heavily involved in science and mathematics.  We've all heard about Schrödinger's cat, who was kept in a box until the famous scientist could no longer remember if there was a cat in the box or not.
  What many people don't know is that cats are on the cutting edge of mathematical fields such as chaos theory and set mechanics. 
  Recently, it has been proven that no matter how small or large the room, it is impossible to accurately count any number of cats greater than five.  This has practical applications for quantum computing and further cat based research.  Don't believe me?  Call up your friend Elspeth and see if she'll let you come over and try.

#37 Women named Bronwyn or Elspeth

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kttylvr
on March 31, 2008 8:05 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)
fatladycat.jpg
I come, graymalkin!
Cats find Celtic names irresistible.  Something about them brings out the instinctive need for a mother figure that all cats feel.  (see item #72 Things that are Squishy but not too squishy).  There is something about nestling in the ample bosooms of a Bronwyn or Elspeth that reminds cats of their days as kittens.
  Women named Bronwyn or Elspeth also tend to have a bumper sticker on their car (usually a 1989 pacer whose shocks on the left side are riding a little low) that reads "The goddess is alive and magic is afoot."  Cats can't get enough of that sort of old time religion and the exciting broom rides that go with it.

#1 Sleeping

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kttylvr
on March 31, 2008 8:01 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)
sleeping_01.jpg
To sleep, perchance to dream. 
According to research on the interweb, cats sleep 99.98% of the day. 
  Sleeping is important for cats, just like it is for hoomans, because it allows them to dream.  If cats don't dream, they develop quirky, unpredictable behavior, like suddenly deciding that their tail is the enemy or believing gravity has been reversed.
 Cat dreams fall into several categories: dreams of snuggling, dreams of sleeping, dreams of eviscerating small woodland creatures, dreams of eviscerating the sofa and dreams of eviscerating their owner.
  When you watch your cat sleeping, you can tell when she is dreaming by the vocal sounds she makes.  Purring means that your kitty is dreaming of snuggling or evisceration, a flicking tail means that your kitty is dreaming of sleeping or evisceration, and a low growl means that your kitty is dreaming of hunting and evisceration.  Some cats have been known to make chirping frog-like noises that sound like a smurf screaming the word "beer!"  This is not normal.
 Unlike dogs or hoomans, cats can spend many hours sleeping relatively lightly. If you try to wake that sleeping cat, he can turn immediately from being deep asleep to lodged, claws out, in your windpipe in a matter of seconds. You can often see the cat sit with its eyes half closed, or even wide open, enjoying a short nap.
The only time that no cats sleep is between 3:13 and 3:15 in the morning.  This is a time known to many cat scientists as "cat panic."  During this time most cats feel the overwhelming urge to sit on a hooman face or to eat the entire sofa.  Sometimes both at once.  (for more information, google "cat-induced sleep apnea fatality")
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